Hope in the Waiting

Happy New Year! We want to share our gratitude for all the people who have been asking for updates on our adoption. We are still waiting to be matched, and although the process can feel never ending, we are trying to remain anchored in the promise of His perfect timing and hope that we will meet Baby M #2 in 2022!

Katie and I have been talking about the virtue of hope for some time now and how it is something we feel God is calling on us to give him during this time of waiting. 

I have two close friends who have both said individual things about hope that I have relied on many times during our journey with infertility and adoption. The first comes from a mentor of mine, Adam. We were talking about the virtue of hope when I needed it back in 2014. I felt like God was asking me a lot across multiple latitudes of my life, and I was lacking hope. Adam simply said, “Hope is arguably the most important of the cardinal virtues, Joe… faith clings to hope while love rests on it.” Without hope, we cannot properly have faith or love. 

The other memorable conversation about hope came from my sister Maria. At the very beginning of our journey where we realized it wasn’t going to be easy to grow our family, we called her and my brother-in-law to talk and pray together. Maria shared something she heard in a homily where the priest said, “Hope is the one virtue that is most baffling to the devil. It makes sense to see what the Lord has done in people’s lives and to have faith and love, but to look out at our world, to see the brokenness that exists and to still hope is what is baffling to the Devil.”

As beautiful as I can make hope sound, the truth remains that it is incredibly hard to practice. It is really only required when things aren’t going our way. When things are good, hope is easy because we see the fruits of our previous hope and in the moment… what more is there to hope for? When things are rough or when there is some sort of lack in our lives, that is when hope is required and must be put into practice. Hope is not a fleeting emotion, much less an attitude that fades when life is hard, but a resilient stance toward life marked by trust, confidence, and perseverance.

Through the entire journey of fertility with its medical tests & surgeries, miscarriages, Xavier’s adoption, and now this one, we have been called to hope. And without a doubt I believe that we have grown in hope. As I like to joke with Katie, we have no choice but to hope. Hope is our “yes” to God right now. It is our promise to Him and the renewal of our commitment to being His disciples no matter what. Hope empowers us to live differently because a Christian understanding of hope is rooted in the unshakable conviction that God loves us and wants our good, a fact memorably exclaimed by Paul’s declaration in Romans: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (8:31).

This is the hope that Katie and I bring towards the new year and pray for each of you to have as well. 

Thank you for your prayers and continued encouragement. We pray that your hope may be strengthened in Jesus, and that you are able to live out hope in a world that needs it desperately. 

-Joe 

Choosing Adoption: Part 2

Hey y’all! Thank you for your continued support as we pursue our second adoption. As of this past week, we are an “active waiting family” which means that we can start receiving cases of expectant moms. Once we receive a case, we have the option to choose to present our profile book (pictures and details that portray our life) to the expectant mother. If we present to an expectant mother and she chooses us, then we are considered “matched.” There is no timeline really on when we will match…it could be tomorrow, a few months down the road, etc. We would appreciate your prayers as we prayerfully discern to say yes or no as cases come to our email. This is where we really get to practice patience, perseverance, and overall trust in the plan that God has for our family. It gives me consolation that He already knows when our family will grow and what it will look like but your prayers are definitely welcomed as we wait.

In the meantime, we are very excited to share Part 2 of our “Choosing Adoption” series and highlight another 3 amazing families! Here is Part 1 if you haven’t had a chance to read it yet.

The McDougal family!

The McDougal family!

“My husband Ryan and I first talked about adoption on our first date over cheap Chinese food. For us the seeds were planted in our hearts early - we both saw the desperate need through overseas missions and knew it was something we eventually wanted to do. We both wanted a big family. I had dreams of tiny toddlers running around the backyard and a full dinner table every night. Biological, adoptive…I didn’t really care how we got there I just knew it was a desire of my heart. It wasn’t until an expected miscarriage that we knew we were ready to start a family and the adoption snowball started rolling. We decided we would try again for a healthy pregnancy and then eventually adopt someday in the future for our last child. But as month after month passed with miscarriage complications and negative tests we kept feeling adoption pulling at our heartstrings. 

The Lord works in funny ways…it started with small glimpses of what he was calling us to do: an adopted neighbor moving in next door, a spoken verse at church, even a movie plot on the TV. I tried to push the signs away and focus on my own plan (never a good idea) but day after day the feelings grew stronger and I finally mentioned it to Ryan. He was of course feeling the same way and we decided to “just look into” the adoption route to weigh our options. I began my research googling everything I could about adoption, following  social media accounts, and scheduling coffee with any adoptive mom I knew. There was one coffee date in particular that sticks out to me and as we sat across from each other she poured her heart out to me over our lattes and I felt a clear word placed on my own heart: birth mother. That evening we scheduled a call with a team who would eventually become our adoption consultants and afterward felt absolutely certain that domestic private adoption was what we were called to do. Not only did we want to open our hearts to a new baby but also to show a birth mother unconditional love throughout their life.

Long story short, we met our baby boy Henry just four months later and felt a love like we had never known. Not only for him, but for his birth mother who sacrificed so much to give him the best life that she could. In the middle of the adoption process we found out we were pregnant (surprise!) so we gave birth to a beautiful baby girl just 4 months after meeting Henry. Fast forward a year. I was wrangling my two little one year olds when I got the call: Henry’s birth mother was pregnant again and she wanted use to adopt. And as if life wasn’t crazy enough, we said yes to three babies under two years old. They are my three greatest miracles that I close my eyes and thank God for every single day.

There is so much more to the story…heartbreak, a failed adoption, the Lord’s provision, but what I want you to know is this: if you’re constantly wondering if God is calling you to do something then that is Him calling you to do it. Lean into it and say yes, because I know from first hand experience His plan for your life is better than one you can imagine.” -Alex McDougal

The Teixeira Family!

The Teixeira Family!

“Both of us were drawn to adoption before dating, let alone getting married. So when the time came to really discern it as a path to grow our family, it felt very natural for us and was an easy yes. In all our research and preparation, we expected a long and difficult journey…but God had other plans. Three times in four years, God paved the way for three baby girls to come into our family. Not once did we have a completed home study or have the finances prepared. But by God’s grace we got ready…and faster each time! LOL What we didn’t expect was the rewarding yet also tumultuous relationships with our daughters’ birth families. Every one of those relationships is different. Each requires different boundaries than another. But they’re important to fight for, even if they’re hard. I never knew how much those relationships would keep me up at night. But I love my daughters and I love those who gave them life. Adoption isn’t a path for the faint of heart…it’s starts in loss and pain for everyone involved but with God’s grace can be transformed into redemption and beauty.”

-Amanda Teixeira

Hilary and Tim Draftz!

Hilary and Tim Draftz!

“I personally had limited experience with foster care, but my husband’s family fostered teen moms when he was younger. They would help the young mothers learn how to take care of their babies. We both wanted to have a big family and when it was clear that infertility was a part of our story, we began opening ourselves up to the idea of growing our family through foster care. At work one day, I opened up a Catholic Charities email and it read, “learn how to make a difference in a kid’s life.” In that moment, I realized that we had the ability to make a difference in the prolife movement. We understood that the main goal for foster care is reunification, feeling we were emotionally ready if that were to happen. We never felt drawn towards newborn adoption like others around us did. One evening I was watching a news story about a sibling group that was adopted and I started tearing up. In that moment, I felt a huge tug on my heart towards that. We went through the foster care training in January 2013 with Catholic Charities but were under the impression beforehand that we both could work full time and foster. We decided it wasn’t the best time for us and put fostering on hold. 

Fast forward to New Year’s 2019 when we felt the call to take action. Tim had become self-employed and we had much more flexibility. We knew that working through trauma would be involved once we received a placement. Naturally, we had many fears. However, we knew that if God was calling us to this, and He would provide the grace for it. We tried to find any practical resources on parenting kids who came from hard backgrounds and did a lot of trainings to try and prepare as best we could. March 2019 we were blessed to move into a bigger house. During our house hunt our main prayer was, “Jesus give us as big of a house we need for as many kids you want us to take in.” We found an amazing 5-bedroom house which was more bedrooms than we were expecting to have. Shortly after moving in, we worked to become licensed to foster and officially were approved in August 2019. Once active, we looked on the adoption website and saw a group of 6 siblings needing a home. We reached out to our agency and said that we were open to 6 children since God had given us the resources. 

We thankfully had a great case worker, and after months of conversation, the oldest sibling of the 6 was placed with us. We got the call on March 18 to pick her up. This was a God moment for us because we had been praying to St. Joseph, foster father of Jesus, throughout the entire process. March 18 is the solemnity of St. Joseph and the day we became foster parents officially. The pandemic allowed us to bond with the oldest sibling and to get used to living together. The rest of the siblings moved in during May. I took 9 weeks off of work to adapt and bond as much as I could. One of the siblings had a hard time adjusting and asked our case worker to be moved. Around the 6 month mark, they left to join another foster home. It was heartbreaking. We wanted to keep all 6 together, but ultimately it was their decision. We still have visits all together and they will always be siblings. After they moved out, it took a few months to reestablish as a family. On May 20, 2021, we became a forever family and finalized the adoption! We are blown away by God's generosity! We've reflected a lot on God's choice to adopt us into His family through our Baptism, and it is so special for us to give to others what He had given to us. Our kids have come a long way in their journey, most beautifully in their own Baptism this past spring. They are a gift, and we know God is showing us His love through them each day.”

-Hilary Draftz 

Choosing Adoption: Part 1

One of the big questions we get from couples considering adoption or people who know our story is how we decided adoption was right for our family/how we knew God was calling us to adopt. Once we made the decision to start moving towards adoption we wanted to be open about our personal story. Posts about our journey with adoption: Our 1st Adoption Announcement and Adoption as our Plan A

Since the answer to the question "How did you know God was calling you to adopt?" is different for every family impacted by adoption, I wanted to highlight other families and their various perspectives and testimonies! Each of these families I look up to SO much for how they have given God the permission to grow their family in the way He sees fit. Some of them were also influential in answering all of our questions and helping us as we entered the world of adoption. First up: The Stanley, Titus, and Konyn family! Choosing Adoption: Part 2 will be coming in the near future.

The Stanley Family! Nathan and Lauren have adopted all 3 of their children.

The Stanley Family! Nathan and Lauren have adopted all 3 of their children.

“Two beautiful questions have been posed, and we are delighted to respond and reflect on each. First, How did we decide adoption was right for our family? Upon dating and especially in engagement, we talked about our desire to have children often. We both said we wanted at least four! At the time, infertility never crossed our mind, and adoption was only mentioned briefly. We looked forward to the day of welcoming our first child without a concern in the world. Soon into our marriage, we were confident that we were facing infertility. At first, we talked about all the medical options we could take to help our chances, with maybe a possible chat about adoption here or there. We knew God was calling us to have children, and so we first tried some medical interventions. As months passed with no pregnancy and heavy hearts, we began talking a little more about adoption and began forming relationships with others who had adopted. We finally received news that it would take a miracle for us to conceive naturally, and so God graciously gave us a closed door (but an open heart to a miracle). With the reality that we would most likely not conceive on our own, we carried a heavy cross and grieved, but our desire to be parents only intensified and we trusted God had placed such a desire on our hearts. Adoption not only seemed the next logical step, but began to become a calling, a call from the One who placed this desire for children deep into our hearts.  

 This leads to the second question, How did we know God was calling us to adopt? We grew confident in our call to adopt through prayer and relationships God placed in our lives. I’ll be honest, prayer was difficult for me. How many times did I need to tell Jesus that I wanted to be a mother, He already knew? I didn’t have the words to ask over and over. However, He found ways to reach me, through written prayers and songs. There are two I’d like to share. The first, Hillsong United followed us on our adoption journey. I felt God speaking directly to me, to trust His plan for the growth of our family, particularly through the song Oceans. “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders / Let me walk upon the waters / Wherever You would call me / Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander / And my faith will be made stronger/ In the presence of my Saviour.” God alone knew the path for our family to grow. We only had to trust. What a better way to follow Him into the unknown then to enter the journey of adoption! Secondly, old prayers on The Cross, often hit me to my core, but in the deep grievances of infertility, gave me great hope for a plan far grander than I could imagine. I stumbled upon a prayer called, Your Cross, by St. Francis de Sales. Here’s just the opening line: “The everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that He now presents to you as a gift from His inmost heart.” God continued to remind us that if we united our will to His, we could be pleasantly surprised. For Nathan, prayer helped him to understand how we are all adopted children of God. He realized not only could he love intensely someone we were blessed to adopt, but he was also reminded how much God loves us. This intensified his call to adoption. Finally, God placed an abundance of couples in our lives during this time, who all had adopted. They were incredible resources and support as we discerned adoption. We trusted God placed them in our lives to help grant us the courage to move towards adoption. These families are still dear to us. We have been beyond blessed to grow our family through adoption. God has outdone himself in generosity and has taught us so much. We are forever grateful for the gift of our children and their birth families. I’ll close with the words from Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” “ -Lauren Stanley

The Titus Family!

The Titus Family!

“One of the many things my husband and I discovered that we had in common before we were married, was our desire to adopt. Adoption has always been near and dear to my heart because of my own adoption story. For my husband, he knew at a young age that there were kids in need and deserving of a loving home and he was going to play a part in that somehow in his future. My husband is one of 11 (all birthed by my AMAZING mother-in-law) and I am one of 8 (whom 6 of us were adopted, including myself, and I must add that my mother is also AMAZING). With both of us coming from big families, there was no doubt that we wanted to have kids. Whether we were blessed with them naturally, or if they came to us through adoption, kids were always on our radar.

The Lord blessed us with our first biological son in 2015. Adoption was still always on our minds, but it really didn’t become a priority until after we miscarried in 2016. I started doing my research and realized how EXPENSIVE adoption is. I couldn’t believe it, especially because adoption was not nearly as costly for my parents when they adopted my siblings and me. I reached out to multiple adoption agencies, both public and private, and my husband and I came to the conclusion that we wouldn’t be financially ready to adopt for a long time. I tried my best to find a cheaper way to adopt, but without asking for help/fundraising, or knowing a pregnant woman wanting to give up her child, I didn’t know how to make it a possibility. Although, there was one other option that I always knew about, but I didn’t want to consider it to be an option. And that was fostering. I always told myself that I would never foster. I’m not really sure why. Maybe the stigma behind it. Maybe because you weren’t guaranteed to be able to adopt a child. Maybe because of all the crazy stories I had heard. I think it may have been my lack of understanding and the fear of the unknown behind it. But it was consistently the only financially doable option that would continuously pop up on my google searches when researching about adoption. Because fostering wasn’t going to be an option, my husband and I came to the conclusion that it may be a very long time until we could adopt.

In 2017 we were blessed with a baby girl. Life was good. We had 2 beautiful children, a beautiful home, a beautiful life, and yet something was telling me to figure out what this fostering thing was all about. I told my husband how I was feeling and we had a long discussion about the pro’s and con’s of fostering. We realized, “Why would we not try this fostering thing out?” We had plenty of space in our home and love in our hearts. Now seemed like the perfect time. We put our fears aside and our trust in God and agreed that we would give it a shot. We started our fostering classes in 2018. We knew the classes would be a good sign as to whether or not this would be the right thing for our family at the moment. After our very first class I remember looking at my husband and we both smiled and knew that this was exactly what we were supposed to do. Even if we couldn’t end up adopting a child at the end of all of this, the fact that we could give a child a safe and loving home for a moment was all that mattered.

I remember it taking forever for a phone call about a placement. I began to wonder if maybe God didn’t really want us to be doing this. It took months and months. We finally got assigned to a Foster Parent case worker and I asked, “Why is it taking so long to get a placement? Did we do something wrong?” She looked into it for us and apparently part of our home study or something wasn’t turned in and or filed, so we weren’t even on the list to be called (one of the many MANY hiccups during our fostering journey). It was now the beginning of 2019 and still no call. I remember saying to my husband, “Maybe we aren’t supposed to be foster parents after all.” I was so disappointed. Soon after I found out we were pregnant and I just assumed this fostering thing wasn’t going to be a thing anymore. A month later, on my birthday, I got a phone call about a little baby girl that needed a home. Best birthday present I have ever received! Of course we said yes! We have been fostering that little girl for over 2 years now. We recently had a court hearing about her case and in about a month her case will be moved to the adoptions unit! After that, we just wait for a forever date! Fostering has been one crazy rollercoaster that has made us feel every single emotion you can think of. For us it has been another proof of God’s miracles, His timing, His love for us, and how trusting in Him can lead you on a beautiful/emotional journey you could have never imagined.” -Taylor Titus

The Konyn family is currently pursuing adoption #2! Follow along with their journey on instagram @jennparkerkonyn

The Konyn family is currently pursuing adoption #2! Follow along with their journey on instagram @jennparkerkonyn

“My husband and I discussed early in our relationship that we both had a heart for adoption. My father and best friend were both adopted, and my husband has two sisters who were adopted. Because of this, adoption was something we just grew up picturing for our futures. As it turned out, I experienced infertility in my first marriage and having biological children wouldn't be simple. We knew we'd be okay if we never had children, but we were definitely open to adoption.

Something we learned during our adoption process was that there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the need for infant adoption. There are quite literally tons of prospective adoptive families to every one infant whose mother is making an adoption plan. I think many of us grow up hearing about how there is a need to care for orphans, but in the vast majority of cases infants being adopted in the United States have never been orphans. It led us to discuss foster care, which we intend to pursue in the future. We are immensely blessed by our daughter joining our family through adoption, but it is very important to us that she grows up knowing we recognize that she wasn't an orphan and that infants are not commodities. I pray that the narrative surrounding adoption in the US begins to shift to being centered on the needs of adoptees and expectant/birth mothers, and less about prospective adoptive parents. After all, there would be no need for adoption in God's perfect world.” -Jennifer Konyn

Faith Over Fear

The joy that Xavier brought when he entered into our family made the wait and sacrifices from our adoption journey seemingly fade away. One look at his little face in the hospital and it was as if a hundred pounds I didn’t realize I was carrying melted off of my shoulders. When Joe and I made the decision in early spring to officially start moving towards a second adoption, my heart started to recall the fear and hardship that inevitably comes along with the process. There’s no denying adoption comes with huge risks. The process is filled with many unknowns and uncertainties which I believe any human would struggle with, let alone myself who loves security and control. The emotional risks make our hearts vulnerable to breaking while the financial risks we face are huge and daunting.

Throughout our first adoption, we realized there were no guarantees and everything can change in a moment. The stress of experiencing another failed match and risk of losing thousands of dollars again naturally makes me fearful. The worry over what others think about us fundraising a second time makes me fearful. The unknowns and concerns over the baby’s health and prenatal care (or lack thereof) makes me fearful. These are just a few on a long list of legitimate fears that those walking the path of adoption have to navigate every single day.

On our journey to adopt Xavier, I really struggled at times to live with faith bigger than my fear. What I came to understand as I worked towards living with a healthy balance of reality and hope, is having faith bigger than our fear doesn’t mean we live in denial of risks. It doesn’t mean we won’t be faced with deep pain and burdens on our journey. Living with faith means that we must choose to continuously put our life in God’s hands and believe that no matter what circumstances adoption (or other) brings our way: He is good and enough for us through it all. It is only when we put all of our hope in Him that we can experience peace that surpasses all understanding. I know only God can give me the strength to live this way through the ups and downs adoption brings. I pray our journey is a quick and smooth one, but more than that, I hope regardless of the circumstances we may face, our faith will never waiver and that our hope will always be found in Him. I know that He is asking me to lay down my plans, my timeline, my self-reliance and surrender this next adoption to Him.

I believe that God is using our adoption journey for a bigger purpose than just growing our family. I think that one reason He is calling us to adopt when it seems impossible for us to afford it is because He wants others to witness the miraculous way He provides for His children. I believe God is calling others to play an active part in our adoption journey so that through it, they may catch a glimpse of His heart for adoption. I believe He is inviting us all to grow in our understanding of His love for every one of us, as we gain a new perspective of His heart for redemption and family- not just for the babies who join families through adoption, but for His adoption of each of us as we become His children.

I pray that regardless of what situation, diagnosis, disappointment, hardship or fear you’re facing today, my words would remind you to turn to the One who has a limitless supply of peace, strength, hope and joy to give you. Please lift us up in prayer as we continue to ready our hearts for this second adoption adventure and that we would have faith over fear. We are blessed to have such an incredible and encouraging community rallying behind us!

-Katie

“Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7

TO DONATE TO OUR ADOPTION CLICK HERE

Adoption #2 FAQ + How You Can Support Us

We are blown away with the love we’ve received since announcing our pursuit of a second adoption yesterday. Thank you for the overwhelming support! Today, we wanted to give more details about this specific adoption (it will look different than the first), answer some frequently asked questions, and share how you can continue to support us. Please never hesitate to ask us questions. Our hope is that we can continue to be a resource, shining a light on the realities of adoption.

"Adoption! International or domestic? How old? Gender? Race?"

Last time, we used adoption consultants to help connect us with an expectant mother. We matched with a baby boy that was due in early December in Phoenix, AZ. Once we matched with this specific baby, our consultants took a back seat role, handing us off to the agency the expectant mother was connected with. We were assigned a case worker that worked with both us as the potential adoptive couple and the expectant mother. We flew out to Arizona, baby boy was born, and after a few days, ended up experiencing a failed adoption where the mother decided she wanted to try and parent. 24 hours later we were connected with Xavier’s first mama as she was waiting to be induced. The rest is history. All that to be said, we will be working with the agency that we matched with initially for the first baby boy. We will be considered a “rollover family” which means since we experienced a failed match with this agency, it is their priority to help us match with another expectant mother. We will be pursuing domestic infant adoption through them. We are open to either gender and any race.

"Will you know the birth family?"

We will always desire an open adoption. We believe this is such a good opportunity to love another family and include them in our child's life. Ultimately, it is up to the expectant mama, but we do desire to have a relationship with her! It has been so important for us to pray for Xavier’s first mama every night, speak about her often to him, and keep in touch with her.

“Where are you in the process?”

We are currently working on updating our home study! Our first home study expired after a year. Once we have the paperwork completed (which includes updated background checks, physicals, drug tests etc.), we’ll send the information to our social worker prior to our first home visit and then she’ll begin typing up the home study to send to our agency stating that we are equipped and fit to adopt a child. We are also working on updating our profile book that the agency will present to birth mothers to accurately represent our life as a family of 3. Once the home study and profile book are complete, we will be an active waiting family!

“How can we support you in this journey?”

  1. Pray for us and our birth family- Above all else, this is what we ask of you! We will need your prayers as we update our home study, wait to be matched, wait for the birth of baby, and wait to then get cleared by the state to take baby home. Please pray for all of the expectant mothers that are making the difficult, brave decision to place their babies for adoption. We have no idea what kind of situation our birth mama and her family are going through, but we know this won’t be easy for them. Pray for her heart and that she chooses life for her baby.

  2. Celebrate with us- Just like anyone who announces that they are pregnant, we are also over the moon excited about the growth of our family! Yes, our process will look a little different than a pregnant couple, but we are just as thrilled about this adoption as we would be over a pregnancy. We want you to celebrate with us and enjoy this season of preparation and waiting for Baby M.

  3. Giving- Adoption is costly, but again we are trusting that the Lord will provide. We are expecting our adoption will cost about $45-55k. That money covers consulting/agency fees, legal fees, home study fees, court fees, and travel costs, plus expenses and counseling for the expectant mother. Read our post detailing about why adoption costs what it does. The cost is very intimidating and most people are shocked when they learn about the financial side of adoption. However, the process for one parent entrusting a baby to another is complex and difficult. Many people have to be involved, and the expectant mother often needs a large amount of financial support to choose life.

  4. Spread the word- The more people that know about our adoption, the more opportunities we'll have to fundraise to help get Baby M home! We would be humbled if you shared our story with people that you know. Last time it was truly shocking the amount of support we received from people who we barely knew or had NEVER met!

We couldn't be more grateful for how y'all have already supported us in this decision to pursue adoption a second time. We are excited to walk down this road with you again! Every dollar, every prayer, every encouraging text, every hug matters.  We want you to feel like you are part of our community when you pray for us, love on us, and support us financially.

Xavier at 7 months with the completed puzzle that now hangs in his room!

Xavier at 7 months with the completed puzzle that now hangs in his room!

We are doing another puzzle fundraiser to help offset the immense cost of adoption and to bring Baby M home. We love the puzzle because of the way it ties people into the beautiful story that is our adoption. Every name will be written on a puzzle piece that will become a part of a puzzle that will hang on Baby M’s wall. It will serve as a reminder of all the people who loved Baby M, like us, before they were even ours.

We purchased a blank, 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. Each puzzle piece will “cost” $20. So, for example, if someone gives $100, they would have “purchased” 5 puzzle pieces. We hoped this would be a good way to get everyone involved if they desire. Donations of all sizes are needed, and it is a clear representation of what can happen when a community comes together!

To “buy” a puzzle piece:

1. Venmo @TheMorans or Click HERE

2. Place a donation

3. Done

We’ll write your name on the puzzle piece(s) and put it in the puzzle!

We intentionally purchased a blank puzzle to write the donor’s name on each piece that they purchased. We want to be able to have a physical representation that captures each and every person who supported us in our walk through adoption and who helped make it possible.

Once completed, we’ll frame and hang it Baby M’s room. This will serve as a reminder to our child that nothing is impossible to God and that there were people who made a way for them. Each puzzle piece is a person and added all together makes up our village. Each puzzle piece is a life who made life possible for someone else. Our child will see that and, for the rest of their life, know that they are loved.

Meeting Xavier's Birth Mom And Our Hospital Experience

A few days after Xaviers birth, Katie and I were on our way to meet up with our caseworkers to sign some paperwork. On the drive we received a call from Rachel, one of the caseworkers. She told us that the birth mom, who we had believed we were not going to be able to meet in person, asked if we could meet face to face soon.

From this came yet another flurry of contradicting emotions from this whole adoption adventure. In that moment, my mind was in a pendulum swing between excitement and panic. What was the right thing to say? What wasn’t the right thing to say? Could I hug her? Would it be super quick? All these questions swirled around in my head. There is no playbook for something like this. I was definitely nervous. 

We arrived at Bella, the women’s clinic where Xavier’s birth mom decided to move forward with adoption, and waited a few minutes in the lobby before going to their meeting room to meet her. As we stepped in, my heart was pounding. The birth mom stood and faced us. She was so sweet. The angel that brought us our son. In typical Joe fashion, I just went up and hugged her. Katie followed up my hug, and we sat down at the table where everyone was gathered. It was a moment I will never forget. Here, at the table, sat all the pieces of this extraordinary adoption story. The adoption caseworkers, the Bella doctors, the two women that walked with the birth mom throughout the entire process, and the birth mom. 

We sat and chatted for a while with a few people speaking to the birth mom about their experience with her and how proud of her they were. It was a beautiful moment for all of us. What a gift she was to us in so many ways. Towards the end of the meeting, I took the chance to address her directly. It was hard to sum up the entirety of the experience of this adoption and what she meant to Katie and me. She was a hero… and I wanted her to know it. Her courage and resolve gave us our sweet boy. She had forever changed our lives, and will always be a part of our family. 

Following the meeting, the next major thing on the horizon was Xavier’s surgery. It was scheduled for December 18th, one week after his birth. Day by day, leading up to the surgery, our little heart warrior kept on chugging. Everyday it seemed like he was losing some tube or line into his arm or leg. He was now breathing without any help, and we were permitted to hold him when we visited. This became the highlight of those early days in the hospital. He even began drinking little bits of milk out of a bottle. It was amazing how much our hearts grew for him during this time. Our days revolved around being there for his diaper changes, feedings, and holding times. It was like we were actually caring for him and getting some practice at being parents.

As we treasured these moments, we also prepared ourselves for the surgery that was approaching. We had meetings with many people ranging from surgeons and anesthesiologists to social workers and HR personnel. The surgery become more and more real as we had these conversations and signed papers. The surgery itself was relatively “simple” as far as open heart surgery goes. The doctors would put his heart on bypass, open the sternum, make incisions on his aorta and pulmonary artery, switch their positions, and stitch them back into place. Praise God for surgeons who can operate on arteries the size of a thread!

One last look at X-man before they wheel him off for surgery

One last look at X-man before they wheel him off for surgery

Morning snuggles the day of surgery

Morning snuggles the day of surgery

The morning of the surgery, we woke up at 4:00 am so we could get to the hospital in time to be able to see and hold Xavier for a while before being led off to his surgery. We had been warned that the surgery could last up to 12 hours so, when Xavier was wheeled away to the operating room, we loaded up on snacks and settled into the family waiting room. We had many friends and family that came to visit throughout the day. We are so grateful for those that helped pass the time and make a long day seem a little more bearable. The only updates we received came every 2 hours or so from the Nurse Practitioner, Karen, who was in the surgery room assisting the doctors. Each update felt like a little victory. There were, thankfully, no hiccups during the surgery itself. The only issue from the surgery came at the end when they took him off bypass. Xavier had been on some blood thinners to help aid the oxygenation of his blood while in the surgery, so the final hurdle for the procedure was getting his blood pressure back to proper levels. It took a few hours to get that under control, but once that was done, Xavier was brought to his new room in the PICU (Pediatric ICU). We will never forget the moment when his whole surgery team walked into the family waiting room and shared that the surgery was successful!

Getting to see him for the first time after surgery

Getting to see him for the first time after surgery

What Xavier looked like immediately after surgery. It is hard to look at but also a testament of how far he has come!

What Xavier looked like immediately after surgery. It is hard to look at but also a testament of how far he has come!

Once he was settled in, we were allowed to see him. We had been shown by a hospital worker what to expect Xavier to look like post-surgery (swelling, stitches, IVs, pumps, discoloration, etc.), but nothing could really and adequately prepare us to see our son in that way. He had already endured so much in his first week of life and we knew that he had the journey of recovery in front of him. I cried… a lot. I knew he was in pain, and that there was nothing I could do for him. I couldn’t take away his pain like I wanted. I couldn’t provide him his medical care. There was just a large feeling of helplessness. 

But, every day, we did the one thing that we could do: show up and love on our son. Everyday, we would go in the late morning and stay until the evening. As he healed, we were able to care more and more for him. We were gradually allowed to change diapers, hold him, and feed him.  Over the next few weeks, Xavier received the most amazing care from the various doctors at the hospital and slowly got better. Physical Therapists, Speech Therapists, Cardiologists, and Pediatricians all came and gave Xavier his care all while answering both of our hundreds of questions. 

Katie keeping Xavier distracted while they do an echo of his heart

Katie keeping Xavier distracted while they do an echo of his heart

Xavier’s first visit with Santa

Xavier’s first visit with Santa

We cannot stress enough our gratitude in so many capacities to the staff of the hospital. Their attention to detail and generosity made our hospital room feel like home. The nurses were so kind and always available to help. The hospitality team gave us a bag full of Christmas decorations to decorate the room as we wanted. Xavier had his first visit from Santa Claus! Even the CEO and her team came and visited us. Truly, the hospital went above and beyond anything that we could have wanted.  

So many people made stops into the hospital to come meet our sweet boy and sent gift cards or dropped off meals. Katie’s family even changed their Christmas plans to come to Denver to meet the newest addition to the Stark family. We were blessed to have so many friends and family who wanted to come see him during his month stay in the NICU/PICU. We are so grateful to those who came and visited Xavier in the hospital. We are also grateful to all you reading this as you have been a part of our journey to sweet Xavier and bringing him home. Next step: finalization of Xavier’s adoption! We have to wait 6 months post placement of Xavier (placement day was the day he left the hospital, January 10th) and have at least 3 visits with our amazing social worker in Alabama. We hope finalization happens sometime in July but with COVID-19 the courts have been very backed up in scheduling. Please pray that we get on the schedule sooner rather than later!

Moran family ready for discharge! Leaving the hospital for the first time with Xavier.

Moran family ready for discharge! Leaving the hospital for the first time with Xavier.

God knew our heart needed you! Xavier at 5 months old.

God knew our heart needed you! Xavier at 5 months old.





Our Journey to Xavier: Part 2

[The time has come for Part 2 of our journey to Xavier! Here is Part 1 if you haven’t had a chance to read it yet. Please understand that we are intentionally leaving out certain details of the story for the privacy of Xavier’s birth mother. This is also Xavier’s story to tell in full detail down the road if he chooses.]

We pulled into the driveway of the house we were staying at in Arizona 10 minutes after receiving the phone call from our case worker telling us the expectant parents were no longer placing their baby for adoption. Almost immediately, Katie’s phone rang again. The call was from Joe’s oldest sister, Maria, who works as a nurse midwife at an amazing Pro-Life women’s practice in Denver, Colorado called Bella. Note that we had not told anyone at this point that the baby had been born let alone that the adoption failed. After answering, Katie told her that the adoption had fallen through, and Maria shared that she had a feeling all day that she should be praying for us. She then began to tell Katie that a young woman came into the office that day who was pretty far along in her pregnancy and was, most likely, hoping to make an adoption plan. Maria asked if she could share Katie’s number with the expectant mom. Katie agreed, and they ended their phone call in a prayer.

During the next 24 hours we really didn’t think much about the conversation with Maria and grieved the loss of the Arizona baby boy. We had not purchased a return flight back to Alabama and needed some time to spend together and process before going home. Naturally, we went to Trader Joe’s (truly our happy place), loaded up on snacks, and headed back to the house. At one point in the evening, Katie looked down at her phone to see 3 missed calls and a voicemail from a number she didn’t have. Remembering the conversation with Maria the night before, she quickly listened to the voicemail and called the number back.

She was greeted on the other line by a sweet, nervous voice. This voice was Xavier’s birth mom. She explained that she was waiting to be induced at the hospital and hoping to make an adoption plan. She and Katie continued to talk and the next thing we knew, a social worker from an adoption agency in Colorado was calling us to discuss next steps. Was this really happening?! We spent the rest of the night filling out paperwork, getting ahold of our parents to share the news, and finalizing our travels to Denver for the next day. One of the many blessings of this new potential adoption was that Joe was raised in Denver and his parents graciously offered to let us stay with them. We attempted to settle down and fall asleep around 2AM knowing that we had another whirlwind of emotions ahead of us. Although we were told to expect the baby in the afternoon, we were woken up early in the morning with a phone call that baby boy had made a quick entrance into the world and was born at 5:43AM on December 11th (the original due date of the first baby we were matched with!). About 30 minutes later, we received another phone call that baby had stopped breathing shortly after birth but he was now stable and they were running tests to figure out what was going on. We prayed and waited for another phone call as we packed to head to the airport for our flight that afternoon. Right before we stepped on the plane we were told that the baby had been born with a congenital heart defect called TGA (Transposition of the Great Arteries) and was being transferred to one of the best NICU’s in Denver.

To be honest, we aren’t quite sure how to sum up what we were feeling when we heard this news. Neither of us have any medical knowledge and didn’t even know how to wrap our heads around what it meant to have a congenial heart defect. We just knew that we needed to get to the hospital to be with baby and to talk to the cardiologist to understand more. Our plan was to head to the hospital immediately after landing in Denver, but the doctors ended up asking us to come the next day since baby boy needed a procedure that evening. A clear sign of God’s providence in our journey to Xavier involved our devotion to Our Lady of Guadalupe. We both have been to Mexico City many times and prayed at the Tilma of Our Lady of Guadalupe for her intercession in growing our family. When the Arizona adoption failed on December 9th we were devastated and had no idea what the Lord was doing in our life. However, we knew that the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe was coming up later that week so we boldly prayed for a miracle. Although baby boy was born on December 11th the doctor had asked us to wait and come the following day. We were able to meet him for the first time on December 12th, the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe!

When we walked into the NICU, we were greeted by the hospital’s social worker who taught us how to wash our hands like we were a doctor preparing for surgery (who knew this would come in handy 3 months down the line when a pandemic hit) and checked us in at the front desk. We both received a tag to wear that said “NICU Parent” which made the moment feel all the more surreal. We were then led to a room where we met our son, Xavier Joseph Moran for the first time. He was intubated, connected to many wires, and swollen with fluid. And yet, he was the most beautiful baby we had ever laid our eyes on. We longed to hold him but were unable to at the time due to his needed assistance with breathing. One of our favorite nurses, Sandra taught us how to lay our hands on him so he would feel comforted and shared the ways to care for him while in the NICU.

Meeting Xavier for the first time!

Meeting Xavier for the first time!

This can be a hard picture to look at but it is such a clear reminder to us of how far he has come.

This can be a hard picture to look at but it is such a clear reminder to us of how far he has come.

That same day we were able to sit down with Xavier’s cardiologist. He explained to us, on top of what we had found through many Google searches, about Xavier’s heart condition, the surgery, and what his life would look like long term. Neither of us had any experience with heart defects, so the cardiologist answered all our questions (Joe only had one…. whether or not Xavier could play rugby someday). We feel very blessed that unlike other congenital heart defects, Xavier’s defect typically involves one big surgery to correct the heart and then he would be able to go on and live a normal life. Xavier’s open-heart surgery was scheduled for December 18th. We spent the rest of the week leading up to his surgery establishing our new normal for the foreseeable future of spending half the day at the hospital. The highlight of these days was being able to feed him, change his diaper, and eventually being able to hold him!

Joe’s first time holding Xavier!

Joe’s first time holding Xavier!

Katie’s first time holding Xavier!

Katie’s first time holding Xavier!

We will forever be in awe of the many intricate details that led us to our son. All along, we thought we were preparing for a baby to be born on December 11th in Arizona, but it was always Xavier for whom we were waiting to be born that day. God’s timing is PERFECT! Yes, this sounds so cliche, but everything had to fall into place (and out of place) for us to be ready and willing to receive the gift of Xavier. The exact day our adoption failed was the day that Xavier’s birth mom chose to make an adoption plan.

We aren’t sure what your specific cross looks like…infertility, longing for a relationship, physical illness, a broken family, unemployment, loneliness, addiction, loss of a loved one, mental illness, miscarriage, etc. It’s easy to sit there and think, “Why me?.” Trust us, we have a whole list of questions to ask when we make it to heaven one day. But we do pray that our story gives you hope. Hope that there is more to your story even if the outcome isn’t what you expect and you have to ride a rollercoaster to get there. As humans we will never be able to fully grasp how God is ALWAYS working for our good no matter the circumstance. For 2 1/2 years, we wrestled with God and questioned Him during the wait. Yet, somewhere along the way we stopped crumbling under the weight of our cross and decided to embrace it together. We didn’t want to walk through life bitter and angry. We wanted to be transformed by our suffering into the man and woman God intended us to be… No matter how long we would have to wait for the desires of our heart to be fulfilled or if these desires ever came to fruition on earth at all.

We pray that we never forget God’s faithfulness as the months and years go on. Our hope is that the depth of the valleys mixed with the mighty mountain tops of this journey may continue to transform us. Hands down, this adoption process broke us. But it also healed us and stitched us back together, stronger than we could have ever imagined. Thank you for coming along with us. Thank you to everyone who prayed for, financially supported, suffered with, and encouraged us on the adventure to Baby M.

P.S. Our next post we will share about getting to meet Xavier’s courageous birth mom, his 10 hour surgery, and our time spent in the hospital during recovery.

Our Journey to Xavier: Part 1

Hi everyone!

We are guessing that the majority of you know that our family grew on December 11, 2019 with the birth of Xavier Joseph Moran! We’ve wanted to sit down for quite some time now to share the story of how our adoption providentially unfolded. Now that we are officially out of the newborn stage (with a baby who is now sleeping 11 hours a night…PRAISE!) and social distancing, we finally have time to share Part 1 of our journey to Xavier.

 Last time we posted, we were in the waiting stage of our adoption journey. We would present to an expectant mom, not get chosen, and then present again. In October we presented to an expectant mother and father, and on November 12th received a call from our consultant that they had chosen us as the adoptive parents for their baby boy due December 11th in Phoenix, AZ!!! We were shocked, thrilled, and overwhelmed all at the same time. With the due date only a month away, we hurried to complete the nursery, began to pack, and embraced the last month of just the two of us.

Announcing to our family and friends that we matched with an expectant mother, father, and baby boy!

Announcing to our family and friends that we matched with an expectant mother, father, and baby boy!

Getting ready to fly from Alabama to Arizona!

Getting ready to fly from Alabama to Arizona!

As we have said before, every adoption story and relationship with the birth parent(s) looks completely different from adoption to adoption. From the beginning, we had always hoped to have a relationship with the birth parent(s) if possible and desired on their end. For us, we slowly began to build a relationship with the expectant mother we were matched with. We wrote a letter to the couple after they had chosen us, chatted on the phone with the mom once, and texted a bit leading up to the birth of baby boy. Naturally, the expectant mom was a bit on the shy end and also trying to emotionally process placing her baby for adoption.

On December 3rd we flew out of Birmingham, Alabama to Phoenix, Arizona! The expectant mom was scheduled for a c-section on December 5th. Right as we landed, we received a text from our caseworker in Arizona that the c-section was pushed back to December 11th. We were extremely bummed, but at that point decided to make the best of our extra days before baby came. Thankfully, we had two amazingly generous families who allowed us to stay at their houses during our time in Arizona to lessen the burden of travel costs.

We explored the Grand Canyon for a day!

We explored the Grand Canyon for a day!

Hiking in Scottsdale, AZ!

Hiking in Scottsdale, AZ!

On December 7th, we woke up early in the morning with a call from our caseworker telling us the expectant mother had gone into labor and to head to the hospital. We frantically got ready and rushed off to the hospital. On the drive there, we decided not to share with anyone that the baby was coming early so that we would be able to navigate the foreseeable ups and downs on our own. Once the papers were signed we hoped to FaceTime our loved ones with a baby in our arms. Upon arrival to the hospital, we were greeted by our case worker in the lobby. We had only chatted a few times on the phone with her, so we took this time to get to know her and to ask questions about how the expectant mom was doing. Our case worker shared with us that the expectant father, who had largely been out of the picture since the adoption process began, had shown up for the birth and was now trying to convince the expectant mom to keep the baby and not place the baby for adoption. This was all very hard to hear, but we tried to remain positive. After a few hours of waiting, we decided to go and grab some lunch.

At lunch, we sat quietly playing out all the potential outcomes. It was hard… plain and simple. It was hard feeling so powerless, not only in this situation, but really throughout the entirety of our adoption story. The many months of wondering why we couldn’t get pregnant, going to doctor’s appointments, having surgeries, asking people to give so we would be able to adopt, and not being chosen by so many moms had made both of us realize how, yet again, we had no control over the situation in which we found ourselves.

Baby was officially here, so we went back to the waiting room at the hospital. After a while of the caseworker going back and forth between us and the expectant parents and not being able to see the baby since the expectant father didn’t want us to, we decided to leave to give everyone some space. The expectant mom had always wanted to move forward with the adoption and had assured us of this but was trying to give the expectant father time to come around to it all. The couple was clearly at an impasse. The father did not want to move forward with the adoption. The mom wanted to but only if the father was on board.

The next few days were excruciating. We wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Every day was a struggle to remain positive and keep hope. We would talk multiple times a day with the case worker. Every time, it was the same. The couple was at an impasse. On December 9th our caseworker called us to let us know that the mom was going to make her final decision that day. We tried to busy ourselves as best as we could throughout the day. Sometime in the afternoon, we decided to go to Trader Joe’s to walk around (our happy place) and, while there, our caseworker called us. We rushed outside (pretty sure Joe abandoned our cart by the bagged lettuce) to answer the phone, and, in the parking lot, we were told that the parents were going to parent the baby.

It was official, we were experiencing a failed adoption. We both cried many tears and honestly shared some angry words with God as we drove back to the house. Little did we know that we would receive a call 10 minutes later that would lead us to the little boy that we couldn’t imagine our life without.

P.S. Just to ease your worries, we still love Trader Joe’s and consider it our happy place.

PART 2 OF OUR JOURNEY TO XAVIER COMING SOON!

The Wait

On July 13th we sent in all our paperwork to become an active family. We received our first adoption case at the end of July.

On July 13th we sent in all our paperwork to become an active family. We received our first adoption case at the end of July.

Our friends and students came together in September to shower us and Baby M with so much love!

Our friends and students came together in September to shower us and Baby M with so much love!

We have been an active waiting family for 3 months! We are very thankful to be in this stage and also naturally wondering when we will be matched with an expectant mother and baby.

When our adoption consultants (FAC) are notified of an expectant mother who is hoping to make an adoption plan, they will forward all the information they know of the situation to us in an email. It is then up to us to pray and discern if this expectant mother and baby is a good fit for us. If we decide to move forward with the case, then our profile book will be shown to the mom. It is then up to her to pick which family she believes are the right parents for her child. On average she is looking at 15-20 profile books if not more.

Deciding whether to present or not to an expectant mom has been very challenging. So much goes into the decision. There are intense emotions, hard and honest conversations, and many other factors that help us decide whether or not to show our book to a mother. Practically, each case can cost a different amount, so if it is outside of our budget we automatically have to say no. We have presented to 17 moms in total. 15 of those moms have moved forward with a different family and we are currently waiting to hear back from 2 moms. Our consultant always reminds us that receiving a “No” from an expectant mom is really just God saying, “Not yet.”

Waiting has been without a doubt the hardest part in the adoption process thus far. We ran around like crazy to get alllll the forms filled out and everything in order to be deemed ready to adopt. But now that every box has been checked, there is nothing we can do but wait in hopeful anticipation as God’s plan for our family continues to unfold. Rather than only thinking to the future, we are striving to be aware of the purpose in our waiting. Through this, we are being refined, strengthened, and increased to FULLY enjoy what’s coming ahead.

Would you please pray for us? Pray that we would continue to place our confidence in His plan so that our hearts will experience true peace during this time of waiting. Some days the wait is very hard and seemingly never ending, but we trust that Our Father is good, hears our prayers, and knows our hearts. We are so thankful for everyone who has been praying for us and for those that have reached out to encourage and ask us how we are doing. If there is anything that we can offer up this time of waiting or be praying for, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

-Katie & Joe

“Patience isn’t just meant to make you wait. It’s meant to prepare you. You cannot be content with where you are when you are more focused on where you’re not. You rob your own joy. But no matter what season you are in, God has a plan for where you are. Your purpose isn’t just waiting for you in the next phase of life. Your purpose is present right now. In every season it is God’s will that we are matured and equipped for the next. So instead of sitting around in your bitterness about where you are, use this time to grow, to mature and to make the most of what God has in front of you.”

He is Good

I’m a planner. When it comes to my job or juggling different tasks, the fact that I can plan well is one of my greatest strengths. When it comes to planning my life, not so much. Deep down, we all know we aren't in control of too much in our lives, but a lot of the time we pretend like we are. I think this helps us feel like life is a little less scary and unpredictable that way. We plan, scheme, control, grasp. It may work for a little but eventually it all catches up to us. 

Infertility and the process of adoption has made me continuously aware that I am truly not in control of our fertility, our family, or our life. I’m unable to control even the most basic thing that many couples take completely for granted, growing our family. I don’t have control over which birth mother will choose us to parent her baby or what my unborn child is being exposed to in the womb. This journey to parenthood has exposed all of my doubts and weaknesses. I’ve been confused, disappointed, angry, jealous and bitter. Thank the Lord for grace, forgiveness, and that He doesn’t leave me alone in this mess of pain.  

Satan tries to stir up feelings of anxiety and fear when my life doesn’t come together as I envision. Fear is one of Satan’s oldest tricks in the book. Fear acts as puppet strings that make me reach for control again and again. A priest once taught me how to help silence the enemy and put fear to death. Daily, I have to invite Jesus to dwell in my heart and pray through my emotions:

1.   Acknowledge what I am feeling.

2.   Relate what I am feeling to God.

3.   Receive whatever God wants to give me.

4.   Respond to God accordingly to the word He spoke to me.

5.   Repeat until I get to a place of peace.

I still have days where I’m tempted to feel abandoned by God but He tells me it’s ok to be honest with Him when I feel this way. Acknowledging what I'm feeling helps me separate my messy emotions from His truth…His plans are better than my plans. Yes, it sounds cliché but it’s true. I frequently reflect on what my life would look like if God had always answered my prayers the way I wanted Him to. I definitely wouldn’t be married to Joe. I wouldn’t be working as a college missionary and so many people I love would be strangers to me. 

It’s been a long process but I’m at a point where I can say I’m grateful for this current cross of infertility. For quite a bit I refused to receive it and begged (at times demanded) Jesus to exchange it with a different one. I know that all suffering has meaning, and I know that all suffering can be transformative when truly embraced. But to really and truly get to the point of thanking God for my suffering? Now that took a hot minute (or a million). He continues to show me so much about who He is and has used this process to strengthen my faith. Through this little bit of suffering I've gone through, I've found there are valuable lessons to be learned, compassion to be found for others, and still joy to be experienced. He is worthy of praise through pain. I've heard these truths all my life, but they have taken root in a deeper way in my heart. 

Christ could not avoid the cross and neither can we. Whether you’re hoping for the right man to come along, praying for physical/mental healing, waiting on a baby, grieving a loved one, etc. I want you to know that God really is good through every circumstance. As we continue to share updates on our adoption process, I hope all that you read here encourages you and points you back to Jesus. 

-Katie

P.S. There are hard days where I have to rely on Joe and those close to me to remind me of these truths! I encourage you to find those people in your life that can do the same for you.

“Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped for. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life you have.” -John Piper

TO DONATE TO OUR ADOPTION CLICK HERE

 

 

 

 

A Letter to the First Mom of Baby M

With every adoption update I excitedly share, my heart is also aching over the fact that with each step we take in the process, there’s a mama out there who is taking steps toward an incredibly difficult decision. I am constantly torn between joy and sorrow, excitement and anxiety. It’s a struggle of mine not to feel guilty at times for being happy on this journey towards Baby M because my happiness equals someone else’s loss. Don’t get me wrong, there should be joy and anticipation in bringing a baby home. I am just learning how to properly honor the incredible loss that occurs as we grow our family. I am coming to the realization that there will always be both beauty and brokenness in adoption. I’m sure I will be learning the rest of my life how to dance between the two and pray that God fills the gaps in between.

Since we made the decision to adopt I have sat down countless times to try and piece together a letter to our future birth mom. Here is an imperfect letter attempting to express the awe, love, and admiration I feel towards her. 

To my future child’s first mother,

 Where do I even begin? How do I tell the woman who will make me a mom thank you? A simple thank you doesn’t even scratch the surface of how I feel. No, it’s more of a gut wrenching gratitude that almost takes all the breath from my lungs when I think of the magnitude of the decision you will be making that will change my whole life forever. You are a hero.

Since the moment we decided to adopt we have been praying specifically for you. The first mother of our future child. I can’t even begin to comprehend the feelings and emotions you are having as you find yourself pregnant. I will never pretend to understand. With how society is today I’m guessing there are many people around you saying that there is an easy way out. To just get rid of the “problem.” That you could move on with your life and not ever have to look back. As hard as this season of your life may be, I am begging Jesus to protect your heart from the comments of these people. I pray for the right people to walk into your life to gather around you as you make your decision to keep the beautiful gift of LIFE growing inside of you. You are smart, you are brave, and you are capable of making this decision. My respect for you is immeasurable. 

 As I continue to educate myself on adoption, I am told that you will hold the title “birth mom” and I will hold the title “adoptive mom” or just…mom. Whatever titles we hold, I am so grateful that our lives will forever be intertwined. Eventually you will make the selfless decision to give my husband and I the gift of life to call our own. You will make us parents. You will make me a mom. I promise to respect you and your decision of the relationship you want to have with our child. I promise to give my all to our child and to provide a safe and joyful environment to grow up in. I promise to always make you a highlight and an important part of our child’s story. Without a doubt, they will know how deeply you love them and that you are one of the strongest women I know. 

I know adoption will look different on your end. I know it is not all vibrant, full of delight and hope. I know there is anger. I know there is grief. And I know there is pain. I know you will be placing your child into our arms because of how much you love them. From the very core of my being I am sorry that I am profiting from your loss. I hope if/when we meet that you will be able to see the gratitude I feel for you, our child’s first mother. 

Years of expectant waiting have built up so much love in my heart for this miracle child and unbeknownst to me at the time, you. Even though I do not know your name yet and I may not know your situation, I am praying for you to a God who knows every single detail of your life and has plans to prosper you, not to harm you. You are KNOWN and LOVED by the God who created the universe. May He give you wisdom, clarity, courage, and peace during this time.

 With immense love and admiration,

Katie

Whoever may be reading this, please take a moment right now to pray for this brave woman that she may choose life even against all odds. That she may feel more than ever how loved and cherished she is by Jesus. That she may come to know her identity as a daughter of God. Thank you.

TO DONATE TO OUR ADOPTION CLICK HERE

Our Plan A

Infertility sucks. There is no other way to put it. No amount of marriage prep or prayer could have ever adequately prepared me to be able to handle this situation. For a while now, we have been asking the same questions. Why? What? How? Why is this happening to us? What are we supposed to do next? How are we supposed to get through this? Ask anyone who has experienced a period of infertility, and they’ll tell you about these moments. About how trying to find the answers dominate your every thought. I have felt so stretched because I want to have these answers for Katie. I know that she has a desire for security. These answers could give her that security. But, when we ask them I just have to say, “I don’t know.” Let me tell you, not knowing sucks. 

After numerous tests, pills, surgeries, etc., and asking these questions probably a million times over, adoption started presenting itself to us as an option. We started doing research and moving in that direction. One of my biggest concerns was that I didn’t want adoption to be my “Plan B.” I didn’t want my future son or daughter to ever question their place in my heart or my life or feel as if they were merely an adequate substitute to the life I wish I had. I think if we’re being honest, we all sometimes think that adoption is the “less than” option. We, as in not just Katie and me, but all of us. There are times where this mindset comes to the fore. Where one’s first thought when seeing an adoptive family is that “they probably can’t have their own child.” Or the idea of “watch, you’ll probably get pregnant now that you’ve started adopting.” This, in some ways, reinforces the idea that having biological children is the obvious Plan A. I want to be careful here. What I am not trying to say is that this mindset is bad or unnatural or that having a biological child is less than adoption. Katie and I still hope and pray to have biological children one day. Both paths are equally beautiful, fulfilling, and hard. What we have come to realize through this process is that growing our family through adoption has always been our Plan A. 

I know that adoption is not the less than option. It is a beautiful thing. But like always, what seemed to get in the way is grasping onto the plan I had for MY LIFE. The one where I marry a smoking hot woman, have a few (preferably athletic) biological children, and after that, lifestyle and money permitting, would want to add to our family through adoption (check on the hot wife thing). In this world, I was in control of everything and could move my life forward as I sought fit. I knew adoption was a process AND EXPENSIVE which is why I put it at the end as the cherry on top to my dream life. 

This is where the problem lies. I had grown so concerned for myself, my well-being and MY plan, that I failed to ask the question that would bring my heart some rest and peace. I was asking, “Why? What? How?” and it just caused unrest. An unrest that I didn’t want or need in my life. For months, nothing changed. Not until I changed the questions I was asking. I remember I was praying in our apartment living room at the end of 2018, and I felt led to ask another question of Jesus. 

“Jesus, what are you doing here?”

And He spoke to me. Gently. Quietly. Truthfully. “Joseph, I have amazing things prepared for you (Jer29:11). I am working towards your good (Rom 8:28). Just be and let me do the heavy lifting (Exodus 14:14). He spoke directly to my heart saying “I love you. Just trust in me. I know it’s hard, but you can do this. You are my beloved.”

This last affirmation has been what I have clung to this year. I am not alone. I am not Fatherless and orphaned. I am the son of a God who loves me and created me in His image in a unique way that no one else will ever be. He did all this because He loves me so much and saved that particular part of Himself to be shown in me. I am beloved by my Father. He is taking care of everything and I only have one responsibility. 

Each day. 

That is my responsibility. That is all I have. Each day is a new opportunity to love God, my wife, the people placed in front of me, and baby M. I am called to just do what I can with each day that I am given. And living in each day, I find new questions to ask God. “Why am I here today? What do you want me to do today to serve you? How do you want me to do it?” And day by day, Jesus transforms me and moves me forward. He helps me see that all along He had a better plan. One that would be much better than I could have ever come up with. Just be. Just trust. I can still know peace without knowing what comes next. 

Baby M. Wherever you are. I am asking God day-by-day to make me into the husband to your mother and father to you that I need to be. You are unquestionably our Plan A. I can’t wait to meet you and bring you home.

-Joe

TO DONATE TO OUR ADOPTION CLICK HERE

Fundraising for Baby M

We knew from the beginning we wanted to write on the financial aspects of our adoption & here it is! We hope this post will help answer some questions you may have- how much our adoption will cost, what the cost will cover, why we are fundraising, and how much we need to raise. We want to be upfront about this fundraising process for a couple of reasons. One is because we are already getting asked these questions so often. Second, our hope is to educate people about the adoption process and that includes the financial part of it. And finally, we want the people involved in our fundraising to know the details about what their giving is going towards.

How much will the adoption cost?

Currently, the average U.S. adoption is typically somewhere between $30,000 and $60,000. We are expecting our adoption to be $40,000 since we will be finding our birth mother through an agency rather than on our own. We aren’t sure what the final expense will be yet, but as of now, we are expecting for it to be this amount. It is important to note that one family’s cost to adopt may be completely different from another’s. The cost will vary depending on the specific situation surrounding our birth mother that we match with!

What does that cost cover? 

  • Pre-natal care for the birthmother (everything from housing, utilities, food, maternity clothes, toiletries, etc.)

  • Transportation to and from doctor’s appointments

  • Counseling for the birth parent(s)

  • Case Administration 

  • Birth Certificates 

  • Medical and Hospital, Doctor, radiology, lab, epidural expenses limited to pregnancy and childbirth related medical expenses for the mother

  • Baby’s Medical Expenses 

  • Legal Fees

  • Post-Placement Fees

Why fundraise?

To be completely transparent, we just don’t have the money! When we started researching and praying about the adoption journey, we were VERY intimidated about the cost. We began trying to be creative and save in different areas of our monthly budget but also came to the conclusion that we would have to rely on the generosity of others. We are holding onto the promise that, from the beginning, God was calling us to adoption and that He is going to make a way for us to bring our baby home.

How much do you need to raise? 

Our goal is to raise $30,000. We are also planning on applying for adoption grants once our home study is approved to aid in the overall cost!

The financial aspect is something that easily scares a lot of families away from adoption and could have for us as well. Adoption is costly, plain and simple. Financially AND emotionally.  But, our adoption as a child of God was costly.  It cost Jesus His life. Even in this aspect, the Lord understands us.  He understands our struggle in a real way and we are clinging to this for comfort. We hope this post has given you a little more insight into why we are fundraising. Please contact us with any questions you may have! 

TO DONATE TO OUR ADOPTION CLICK HERE