Hi everyone!
We are guessing that the majority of you know that our family grew on December 11, 2019 with the birth of Xavier Joseph Moran! We’ve wanted to sit down for quite some time now to share the story of how our adoption providentially unfolded. Now that we are officially out of the newborn stage (with a baby who is now sleeping 11 hours a night…PRAISE!) and social distancing, we finally have time to share Part 1 of our journey to Xavier.
Last time we posted, we were in the waiting stage of our adoption journey. We would present to an expectant mom, not get chosen, and then present again. In October we presented to an expectant mother and father, and on November 12th received a call from our consultant that they had chosen us as the adoptive parents for their baby boy due December 11th in Phoenix, AZ!!! We were shocked, thrilled, and overwhelmed all at the same time. With the due date only a month away, we hurried to complete the nursery, began to pack, and embraced the last month of just the two of us.
Announcing to our family and friends that we matched with an expectant mother, father, and baby boy!
Getting ready to fly from Alabama to Arizona!
As we have said before, every adoption story and relationship with the birth parent(s) looks completely different from adoption to adoption. From the beginning, we had always hoped to have a relationship with the birth parent(s) if possible and desired on their end. For us, we slowly began to build a relationship with the expectant mother we were matched with. We wrote a letter to the couple after they had chosen us, chatted on the phone with the mom once, and texted a bit leading up to the birth of baby boy. Naturally, the expectant mom was a bit on the shy end and also trying to emotionally process placing her baby for adoption.
On December 3rd we flew out of Birmingham, Alabama to Phoenix, Arizona! The expectant mom was scheduled for a c-section on December 5th. Right as we landed, we received a text from our caseworker in Arizona that the c-section was pushed back to December 11th. We were extremely bummed, but at that point decided to make the best of our extra days before baby came. Thankfully, we had two amazingly generous families who allowed us to stay at their houses during our time in Arizona to lessen the burden of travel costs.
We explored the Grand Canyon for a day!
Hiking in Scottsdale, AZ!
On December 7th, we woke up early in the morning with a call from our caseworker telling us the expectant mother had gone into labor and to head to the hospital. We frantically got ready and rushed off to the hospital. On the drive there, we decided not to share with anyone that the baby was coming early so that we would be able to navigate the foreseeable ups and downs on our own. Once the papers were signed we hoped to FaceTime our loved ones with a baby in our arms. Upon arrival to the hospital, we were greeted by our case worker in the lobby. We had only chatted a few times on the phone with her, so we took this time to get to know her and to ask questions about how the expectant mom was doing. Our case worker shared with us that the expectant father, who had largely been out of the picture since the adoption process began, had shown up for the birth and was now trying to convince the expectant mom to keep the baby and not place the baby for adoption. This was all very hard to hear, but we tried to remain positive. After a few hours of waiting, we decided to go and grab some lunch.
At lunch, we sat quietly playing out all the potential outcomes. It was hard… plain and simple. It was hard feeling so powerless, not only in this situation, but really throughout the entirety of our adoption story. The many months of wondering why we couldn’t get pregnant, going to doctor’s appointments, having surgeries, asking people to give so we would be able to adopt, and not being chosen by so many moms had made both of us realize how, yet again, we had no control over the situation in which we found ourselves.
Baby was officially here, so we went back to the waiting room at the hospital. After a while of the caseworker going back and forth between us and the expectant parents and not being able to see the baby since the expectant father didn’t want us to, we decided to leave to give everyone some space. The expectant mom had always wanted to move forward with the adoption and had assured us of this but was trying to give the expectant father time to come around to it all. The couple was clearly at an impasse. The father did not want to move forward with the adoption. The mom wanted to but only if the father was on board.
The next few days were excruciating. We wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Every day was a struggle to remain positive and keep hope. We would talk multiple times a day with the case worker. Every time, it was the same. The couple was at an impasse. On December 9th our caseworker called us to let us know that the mom was going to make her final decision that day. We tried to busy ourselves as best as we could throughout the day. Sometime in the afternoon, we decided to go to Trader Joe’s to walk around (our happy place) and, while there, our caseworker called us. We rushed outside (pretty sure Joe abandoned our cart by the bagged lettuce) to answer the phone, and, in the parking lot, we were told that the parents were going to parent the baby.
It was official, we were experiencing a failed adoption. We both cried many tears and honestly shared some angry words with God as we drove back to the house. Little did we know that we would receive a call 10 minutes later that would lead us to the little boy that we couldn’t imagine our life without.
P.S. Just to ease your worries, we still love Trader Joe’s and consider it our happy place.
PART 2 OF OUR JOURNEY TO XAVIER COMING SOON!