[The time has come for Part 2 of our journey to Xavier! Here is Part 1 if you haven’t had a chance to read it yet. Please understand that we are intentionally leaving out certain details of the story for the privacy of Xavier’s birth mother. This is also Xavier’s story to tell in full detail down the road if he chooses.]
We pulled into the driveway of the house we were staying at in Arizona 10 minutes after receiving the phone call from our case worker telling us the expectant parents were no longer placing their baby for adoption. Almost immediately, Katie’s phone rang again. The call was from Joe’s oldest sister, Maria, who works as a nurse midwife at an amazing Pro-Life women’s practice in Denver, Colorado called Bella. Note that we had not told anyone at this point that the baby had been born let alone that the adoption failed. After answering, Katie told her that the adoption had fallen through, and Maria shared that she had a feeling all day that she should be praying for us. She then began to tell Katie that a young woman came into the office that day who was pretty far along in her pregnancy and was, most likely, hoping to make an adoption plan. Maria asked if she could share Katie’s number with the expectant mom. Katie agreed, and they ended their phone call in a prayer.
During the next 24 hours we really didn’t think much about the conversation with Maria and grieved the loss of the Arizona baby boy. We had not purchased a return flight back to Alabama and needed some time to spend together and process before going home. Naturally, we went to Trader Joe’s (truly our happy place), loaded up on snacks, and headed back to the house. At one point in the evening, Katie looked down at her phone to see 3 missed calls and a voicemail from a number she didn’t have. Remembering the conversation with Maria the night before, she quickly listened to the voicemail and called the number back.
She was greeted on the other line by a sweet, nervous voice. This voice was Xavier’s birth mom. She explained that she was waiting to be induced at the hospital and hoping to make an adoption plan. She and Katie continued to talk and the next thing we knew, a social worker from an adoption agency in Colorado was calling us to discuss next steps. Was this really happening?! We spent the rest of the night filling out paperwork, getting ahold of our parents to share the news, and finalizing our travels to Denver for the next day. One of the many blessings of this new potential adoption was that Joe was raised in Denver and his parents graciously offered to let us stay with them. We attempted to settle down and fall asleep around 2AM knowing that we had another whirlwind of emotions ahead of us. Although we were told to expect the baby in the afternoon, we were woken up early in the morning with a phone call that baby boy had made a quick entrance into the world and was born at 5:43AM on December 11th (the original due date of the first baby we were matched with!). About 30 minutes later, we received another phone call that baby had stopped breathing shortly after birth but he was now stable and they were running tests to figure out what was going on. We prayed and waited for another phone call as we packed to head to the airport for our flight that afternoon. Right before we stepped on the plane we were told that the baby had been born with a congenital heart defect called TGA (Transposition of the Great Arteries) and was being transferred to one of the best NICU’s in Denver.
To be honest, we aren’t quite sure how to sum up what we were feeling when we heard this news. Neither of us have any medical knowledge and didn’t even know how to wrap our heads around what it meant to have a congenial heart defect. We just knew that we needed to get to the hospital to be with baby and to talk to the cardiologist to understand more. Our plan was to head to the hospital immediately after landing in Denver, but the doctors ended up asking us to come the next day since baby boy needed a procedure that evening. A clear sign of God’s providence in our journey to Xavier involved our devotion to Our Lady of Guadalupe. We both have been to Mexico City many times and prayed at the Tilma of Our Lady of Guadalupe for her intercession in growing our family. When the Arizona adoption failed on December 9th we were devastated and had no idea what the Lord was doing in our life. However, we knew that the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe was coming up later that week so we boldly prayed for a miracle. Although baby boy was born on December 11th the doctor had asked us to wait and come the following day. We were able to meet him for the first time on December 12th, the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe!
When we walked into the NICU, we were greeted by the hospital’s social worker who taught us how to wash our hands like we were a doctor preparing for surgery (who knew this would come in handy 3 months down the line when a pandemic hit) and checked us in at the front desk. We both received a tag to wear that said “NICU Parent” which made the moment feel all the more surreal. We were then led to a room where we met our son, Xavier Joseph Moran for the first time. He was intubated, connected to many wires, and swollen with fluid. And yet, he was the most beautiful baby we had ever laid our eyes on. We longed to hold him but were unable to at the time due to his needed assistance with breathing. One of our favorite nurses, Sandra taught us how to lay our hands on him so he would feel comforted and shared the ways to care for him while in the NICU.
Meeting Xavier for the first time!
This can be a hard picture to look at but it is such a clear reminder to us of how far he has come.
That same day we were able to sit down with Xavier’s cardiologist. He explained to us, on top of what we had found through many Google searches, about Xavier’s heart condition, the surgery, and what his life would look like long term. Neither of us had any experience with heart defects, so the cardiologist answered all our questions (Joe only had one…. whether or not Xavier could play rugby someday). We feel very blessed that unlike other congenital heart defects, Xavier’s defect typically involves one big surgery to correct the heart and then he would be able to go on and live a normal life. Xavier’s open-heart surgery was scheduled for December 18th. We spent the rest of the week leading up to his surgery establishing our new normal for the foreseeable future of spending half the day at the hospital. The highlight of these days was being able to feed him, change his diaper, and eventually being able to hold him!
Joe’s first time holding Xavier!
Katie’s first time holding Xavier!
We will forever be in awe of the many intricate details that led us to our son. All along, we thought we were preparing for a baby to be born on December 11th in Arizona, but it was always Xavier for whom we were waiting to be born that day. God’s timing is PERFECT! Yes, this sounds so cliche, but everything had to fall into place (and out of place) for us to be ready and willing to receive the gift of Xavier. The exact day our adoption failed was the day that Xavier’s birth mom chose to make an adoption plan.
We aren’t sure what your specific cross looks like…infertility, longing for a relationship, physical illness, a broken family, unemployment, loneliness, addiction, loss of a loved one, mental illness, miscarriage, etc. It’s easy to sit there and think, “Why me?.” Trust us, we have a whole list of questions to ask when we make it to heaven one day. But we do pray that our story gives you hope. Hope that there is more to your story even if the outcome isn’t what you expect and you have to ride a rollercoaster to get there. As humans we will never be able to fully grasp how God is ALWAYS working for our good no matter the circumstance. For 2 1/2 years, we wrestled with God and questioned Him during the wait. Yet, somewhere along the way we stopped crumbling under the weight of our cross and decided to embrace it together. We didn’t want to walk through life bitter and angry. We wanted to be transformed by our suffering into the man and woman God intended us to be… No matter how long we would have to wait for the desires of our heart to be fulfilled or if these desires ever came to fruition on earth at all.
We pray that we never forget God’s faithfulness as the months and years go on. Our hope is that the depth of the valleys mixed with the mighty mountain tops of this journey may continue to transform us. Hands down, this adoption process broke us. But it also healed us and stitched us back together, stronger than we could have ever imagined. Thank you for coming along with us. Thank you to everyone who prayed for, financially supported, suffered with, and encouraged us on the adventure to Baby M.
P.S. Our next post we will share about getting to meet Xavier’s courageous birth mom, his 10 hour surgery, and our time spent in the hospital during recovery.