A few days after Xaviers birth, Katie and I were on our way to meet up with our caseworkers to sign some paperwork. On the drive we received a call from Rachel, one of the caseworkers. She told us that the birth mom, who we had believed we were not going to be able to meet in person, asked if we could meet face to face soon.
From this came yet another flurry of contradicting emotions from this whole adoption adventure. In that moment, my mind was in a pendulum swing between excitement and panic. What was the right thing to say? What wasn’t the right thing to say? Could I hug her? Would it be super quick? All these questions swirled around in my head. There is no playbook for something like this. I was definitely nervous.
We arrived at Bella, the women’s clinic where Xavier’s birth mom decided to move forward with adoption, and waited a few minutes in the lobby before going to their meeting room to meet her. As we stepped in, my heart was pounding. The birth mom stood and faced us. She was so sweet. The angel that brought us our son. In typical Joe fashion, I just went up and hugged her. Katie followed up my hug, and we sat down at the table where everyone was gathered. It was a moment I will never forget. Here, at the table, sat all the pieces of this extraordinary adoption story. The adoption caseworkers, the Bella doctors, the two women that walked with the birth mom throughout the entire process, and the birth mom.
We sat and chatted for a while with a few people speaking to the birth mom about their experience with her and how proud of her they were. It was a beautiful moment for all of us. What a gift she was to us in so many ways. Towards the end of the meeting, I took the chance to address her directly. It was hard to sum up the entirety of the experience of this adoption and what she meant to Katie and me. She was a hero… and I wanted her to know it. Her courage and resolve gave us our sweet boy. She had forever changed our lives, and will always be a part of our family.
Following the meeting, the next major thing on the horizon was Xavier’s surgery. It was scheduled for December 18th, one week after his birth. Day by day, leading up to the surgery, our little heart warrior kept on chugging. Everyday it seemed like he was losing some tube or line into his arm or leg. He was now breathing without any help, and we were permitted to hold him when we visited. This became the highlight of those early days in the hospital. He even began drinking little bits of milk out of a bottle. It was amazing how much our hearts grew for him during this time. Our days revolved around being there for his diaper changes, feedings, and holding times. It was like we were actually caring for him and getting some practice at being parents.
As we treasured these moments, we also prepared ourselves for the surgery that was approaching. We had meetings with many people ranging from surgeons and anesthesiologists to social workers and HR personnel. The surgery become more and more real as we had these conversations and signed papers. The surgery itself was relatively “simple” as far as open heart surgery goes. The doctors would put his heart on bypass, open the sternum, make incisions on his aorta and pulmonary artery, switch their positions, and stitch them back into place. Praise God for surgeons who can operate on arteries the size of a thread!
One last look at X-man before they wheel him off for surgery
Morning snuggles the day of surgery
The morning of the surgery, we woke up at 4:00 am so we could get to the hospital in time to be able to see and hold Xavier for a while before being led off to his surgery. We had been warned that the surgery could last up to 12 hours so, when Xavier was wheeled away to the operating room, we loaded up on snacks and settled into the family waiting room. We had many friends and family that came to visit throughout the day. We are so grateful for those that helped pass the time and make a long day seem a little more bearable. The only updates we received came every 2 hours or so from the Nurse Practitioner, Karen, who was in the surgery room assisting the doctors. Each update felt like a little victory. There were, thankfully, no hiccups during the surgery itself. The only issue from the surgery came at the end when they took him off bypass. Xavier had been on some blood thinners to help aid the oxygenation of his blood while in the surgery, so the final hurdle for the procedure was getting his blood pressure back to proper levels. It took a few hours to get that under control, but once that was done, Xavier was brought to his new room in the PICU (Pediatric ICU). We will never forget the moment when his whole surgery team walked into the family waiting room and shared that the surgery was successful!
Getting to see him for the first time after surgery
What Xavier looked like immediately after surgery. It is hard to look at but also a testament of how far he has come!
Once he was settled in, we were allowed to see him. We had been shown by a hospital worker what to expect Xavier to look like post-surgery (swelling, stitches, IVs, pumps, discoloration, etc.), but nothing could really and adequately prepare us to see our son in that way. He had already endured so much in his first week of life and we knew that he had the journey of recovery in front of him. I cried… a lot. I knew he was in pain, and that there was nothing I could do for him. I couldn’t take away his pain like I wanted. I couldn’t provide him his medical care. There was just a large feeling of helplessness.
But, every day, we did the one thing that we could do: show up and love on our son. Everyday, we would go in the late morning and stay until the evening. As he healed, we were able to care more and more for him. We were gradually allowed to change diapers, hold him, and feed him. Over the next few weeks, Xavier received the most amazing care from the various doctors at the hospital and slowly got better. Physical Therapists, Speech Therapists, Cardiologists, and Pediatricians all came and gave Xavier his care all while answering both of our hundreds of questions.
Katie keeping Xavier distracted while they do an echo of his heart
Xavier’s first visit with Santa
We cannot stress enough our gratitude in so many capacities to the staff of the hospital. Their attention to detail and generosity made our hospital room feel like home. The nurses were so kind and always available to help. The hospitality team gave us a bag full of Christmas decorations to decorate the room as we wanted. Xavier had his first visit from Santa Claus! Even the CEO and her team came and visited us. Truly, the hospital went above and beyond anything that we could have wanted.
So many people made stops into the hospital to come meet our sweet boy and sent gift cards or dropped off meals. Katie’s family even changed their Christmas plans to come to Denver to meet the newest addition to the Stark family. We were blessed to have so many friends and family who wanted to come see him during his month stay in the NICU/PICU. We are so grateful to those who came and visited Xavier in the hospital. We are also grateful to all you reading this as you have been a part of our journey to sweet Xavier and bringing him home. Next step: finalization of Xavier’s adoption! We have to wait 6 months post placement of Xavier (placement day was the day he left the hospital, January 10th) and have at least 3 visits with our amazing social worker in Alabama. We hope finalization happens sometime in July but with COVID-19 the courts have been very backed up in scheduling. Please pray that we get on the schedule sooner rather than later!
Moran family ready for discharge! Leaving the hospital for the first time with Xavier.
God knew our heart needed you! Xavier at 5 months old.