The joy that Xavier brought when he entered into our family made the wait and sacrifices from our adoption journey seemingly fade away. One look at his little face in the hospital and it was as if a hundred pounds I didn’t realize I was carrying melted off of my shoulders. When Joe and I made the decision in early spring to officially start moving towards a second adoption, my heart started to recall the fear and hardship that inevitably comes along with the process. There’s no denying adoption comes with huge risks. The process is filled with many unknowns and uncertainties which I believe any human would struggle with, let alone myself who loves security and control. The emotional risks make our hearts vulnerable to breaking while the financial risks we face are huge and daunting.
Throughout our first adoption, we realized there were no guarantees and everything can change in a moment. The stress of experiencing another failed match and risk of losing thousands of dollars again naturally makes me fearful. The worry over what others think about us fundraising a second time makes me fearful. The unknowns and concerns over the baby’s health and prenatal care (or lack thereof) makes me fearful. These are just a few on a long list of legitimate fears that those walking the path of adoption have to navigate every single day.
On our journey to adopt Xavier, I really struggled at times to live with faith bigger than my fear. What I came to understand as I worked towards living with a healthy balance of reality and hope, is having faith bigger than our fear doesn’t mean we live in denial of risks. It doesn’t mean we won’t be faced with deep pain and burdens on our journey. Living with faith means that we must choose to continuously put our life in God’s hands and believe that no matter what circumstances adoption (or other) brings our way: He is good and enough for us through it all. It is only when we put all of our hope in Him that we can experience peace that surpasses all understanding. I know only God can give me the strength to live this way through the ups and downs adoption brings. I pray our journey is a quick and smooth one, but more than that, I hope regardless of the circumstances we may face, our faith will never waiver and that our hope will always be found in Him. I know that He is asking me to lay down my plans, my timeline, my self-reliance and surrender this next adoption to Him.
I believe that God is using our adoption journey for a bigger purpose than just growing our family. I think that one reason He is calling us to adopt when it seems impossible for us to afford it is because He wants others to witness the miraculous way He provides for His children. I believe God is calling others to play an active part in our adoption journey so that through it, they may catch a glimpse of His heart for adoption. I believe He is inviting us all to grow in our understanding of His love for every one of us, as we gain a new perspective of His heart for redemption and family- not just for the babies who join families through adoption, but for His adoption of each of us as we become His children.
I pray that regardless of what situation, diagnosis, disappointment, hardship or fear you’re facing today, my words would remind you to turn to the One who has a limitless supply of peace, strength, hope and joy to give you. Please lift us up in prayer as we continue to ready our hearts for this second adoption adventure and that we would have faith over fear. We are blessed to have such an incredible and encouraging community rallying behind us!
-Katie
“Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6-7